It is human nature to want others to think well of us — especially people who are in a position to help us. Even honest people might soften the truth a little when the doctor asks about their drinking or exercise habits. And many people hold back uncomfortable information when they sit down with a divorce attorney.
Here is the problem: your attorney cannot protect you from something she doesn’t know about. A medical professional can’t accurately diagnose your condition if you aren’t honest. The same applies to your divorce attorney.
There is another difference, though. A medical situation is between you and your doctor. A divorce involves you, your attorney, your spouse, and their attorney. If a secret needs to come out — and it usually does — it is far better for your lawyer to hear it from you in her office than from opposing counsel in a courtroom.
Here are five things you should always tell your Utah divorce attorney, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation may be.
1. “I Had an Affair.”
Whether you are ashamed of the affair, hoping to end the marriage without your spouse learning the real reason, or simply hoping to keep it private, your attorney needs to know.
The divorce process includes discovery — a formal exchange of information under oath. Affairs are routinely asked about in interrogatories and depositions. If you deny an affair and the truth surfaces later, your credibility on every other issue in the case is damaged.
There is also a financial dimension. If marital funds were spent on an affair partner — travel, gifts, meals — you may be required to account for those expenses. And in Utah, adultery can factor into alimony decisions. Your attorney needs to know this upfront so she can address it strategically.
2. “I Have a Sexually Transmitted Infection.”
This disclosure is closely connected to the first. As difficult as it is to admit to an affair, telling your attorney that your spouse may also need to seek medical attention is harder still. But it is the right thing to do, and your attorney can help you navigate how to handle it.
If the situation is reversed — if your spouse transmitted an STI to you — that is also something your attorney needs to know. You may have a claim for compensation related to your medical expenses and emotional harm.
3. “I Have Financial Secrets.”
In a Utah divorce, both spouses must fully disclose their financial situation so that property division, child support, and alimony can be determined fairly. Hidden debt, undisclosed accounts, or concealed assets become much harder to keep hidden during formal discovery.
If you have financial secrets and your attorney doesn’t know about them, you have no defense when they are uncovered. And they will be uncovered.
If hidden assets or debt are discovered during the divorce, the court may award your spouse a greater share of marital property as a penalty. If they are discovered after the divorce is final, your ex-spouse may be able to have the judgment reopened and the property division redone — likely with a worse outcome for you than if you had disclosed everything from the start.
Tell your attorney everything. She has seen it before and is not there to judge you. She is there to protect you.
4. “DCFS Has Been Involved With My Family.”
If the Department of Child and Family Services has ever been involved with your family — whether briefly or at length, recently or years ago, as a result of a legitimate concern or a false report — your divorce attorney needs to know.
If this information comes out at a hearing and your attorney is hearing it for the first time, it looks as though you had something to hide. If your attorney knows in advance, she can present the facts in context, explain what happened, and put you in the best possible light. Disclosure to your attorney is not the same as disclosure to the court — your attorney can help you decide how and whether to raise it proactively.
5. “There Has Been Violence in My Home.”
If your spouse has been abusive toward you or your children, tell your attorney immediately. She can help you take steps to protect yourself and your children during the divorce process, and this information will be relevant to custody proceedings.
If you have a history of losing your temper or acting in ways that could be characterized as abusive, tell your attorney that, too. A good attorney can help you demonstrate to the court that you understand what happened, have taken steps to address it, and will not be a danger going forward. What she cannot do is protect you from information she doesn’t have.
Your divorce attorney has heard it all. She is not there to judge you. She is there to help you — and she can only do that effectively if you give her the full picture.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is what I tell my divorce attorney confidential?
Yes. Communications between you and your attorney are protected by attorney-client privilege. Your attorney cannot disclose what you tell her without your permission.
What happens if I hide something from my divorce attorney?
If the information surfaces later — in discovery, at a hearing, or after the divorce is final — it can seriously damage your credibility and your case. It is always better for your attorney to hear it first.
Can an affair affect my divorce in Utah?
Yes. In Utah, adultery can be a factor in alimony determinations. It can also affect how the court views financial misconduct if marital funds were spent on an affair partner.
What is divorce discovery?
Discovery is the formal process of exchanging information during litigation. It includes written questions (interrogatories), requests for documents, requests for admissions, and depositions. Affairs, financial issues, and family history are all common topics in divorce discovery.
Should I tell my lawyer if DCFS was involved with my family years ago?
Yes. Even if the involvement was minor or unsubstantiated, your attorney needs to know. She can help you contextualize it for the court rather than having it surface unexpectedly.
Contact Ashley Wood Law
If you are navigating a divorce and want an attorney who will listen without judgment and work strategically on your behalf, we are here to help. Based in Salt Lake City, Ashley Wood Law, P.C. provides trusted, client-focused representation for divorce and family law matters throughout Utah. Call (801) 459-3499 or contact us online at contact@ashleywoodlaw.com to schedule a confidential consultation.